Archive for March, 2006
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Sometimes The Voice Misses The Point
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006Sometimes The Voice Misses The Point
I was using my most enthusiastic voice with my daughter Michelle, telling her that when she was three she would be big like mama and no longer need to use a bottle. It was three weeks until her birthday and weaning her from her bottle was top on my list of things to do. My strategy was to tell her every day until her birthday and then have a bottle throw away ceremony.
This was a big exciting major event, and my voice coaching experience came in handy as Michelle was being sold on the idea that soon she could drink out of a glass. Well, maybe I got carried away as the day got closer, and told her two or three times a day. Ok, maybe four or five times, but I was convinced that this was going to do the trick.
Early in the morning of November 1, Michelle’s third birthday, I was awakened by her crying. There she was standing in the bathroom looking into the large mirror and sobbing, “I’m not big like you!”
My heart sank as she looked bewildered and maybe felt betrayed (don’t mom’s know everything?) Here was a situation and I couldn’t fix it.
The lesson I learned here is often we do so much talking and strategizing that we forget to take the other person’s perspective into consideration. We all listen from a different frame of reference due to our experiences, beliefs, and assumptions. The key here is that we usually only speak from our frame of reference with the assumption that others are on the same playing field. Most are not, and getting clarification by asking questions and listening ourselves for clues is important.
How would I have done this differently? Clarify what big like mom means. Maybe be more specific, I’d have to give that more thought.
The good news is that we both lived through it, no damage done and she no longer uses a bottle.
Be Prepared: You Are Secretly Being Analyzed
Friday, March 10th, 2006It is interesting when I am networking and asked what I do. Most often when I tell them I am a voice image specialist and do voice coaching, immediately the person asking becomes self conscious of their own voice. “You are probably analyzing my voice” they say. My response is, “Yes, I am analyzing your voice because that is what I do. But we all are subconsciously analyzing others voices whether we know it our not.”
When we are in conversation we are searching for clues and cues on how to connect with each other on a personal level. And remember, the voice has a physical aspect to it so when someone has a voice that is too loud, high pitched, nasal, or smooth and resonant we are making an impression on a physical sensation level. People base your personality by the sound quality of your voice. So in your next conversation be aware of the impression you’re making, what clues are you projecting to others about whom you are and the kind of relationship that you want to build. And the most effective way to build relationships is by listening for the cues in other peoples voices.
Probably the most underrated area of conversational speaking is listening. Silence and allowing the other person to shine and feel valued by you is what is golden. This is where you will truly build a connection. You are also giving them the gift of undivided attention, which is a rare commodity.
